• Fresh salmon fillets
• BBQ & Oven Cedar Cooking Planks or FIRE & FLAVOR Gourmet Grilling Planks, Cedar, 2-Count Packages (Pack of 3)
• Topping: I used fresh chopped tomatoes, sun-dried tomatoes chopped and soaked in vinegar, lots of garlic, white pepper, chili flakes, fresh lemon, chopped parsley, & olive oil

What are the names and ages of your children?

Tyler 17, Tony 15, Amanda 4, Christiana 2, Talitha 1.

When did you begin the adoption process? Why adoption?

We had our first boys when we were very young and decided we were done having kids.  My husband was sterilized.  Not much more than a year later, I became a Christian and realized that all I had every wanted was to be a mom and the hope I had for raising kids in Christ and how much God loves children. 

We began the process to adopt in October of 2006. When I first considered adoption I learned that African American children were harder to place.  I thought that was ridiculous and determined that those are the kids I wanted, the ones rejected by others.  We were not in a financial position to either adopt or to try to reverse my husband's sterilization at that time.  It wasn't until 2003, that my husband had his reversal surgery.  After three years of trying to conceive, we decided it was time to consider adoption.

Can you walk us through YOUR adoption process briefly? 

We first compared and considered adoption agencies.  We filled out mountains of paperwork, attended a couple of training seminars, met with a social worker in our home and her office, and completed necessary background checks.  Then we pulled together photos that we felt represented our family and created a profile and website for potential birth moms to learn about our family. 

Then we waited.  We had a few potential situations come up; some that turned us down and some that we had to turn down because of finances or extreme medical needs.  And finally we were notified that we had been chosen for Amanda and that she was already born. 

We had to wait a week or so for them to sort out paperwork and things with the birth mom and we met Amanda when she was three weeks old.  Texas law requires six months of supervision before we could legally adopt her.  This meant regular reports to the agency and meeting with our social worker here in MN.

I read that when you first got the call about Amanda you were guarded? How difficult was it to come to terms with the fact that this was the real thing? 

It actually too along time, maybe four months, before I realized that the agency wanted to keep Amanda in our home just as much as we did.  I kept thinking they may decided they didn't like something about us and take her away.  During that time, I felt like I was just taking care of some one elses baby.

When you met the birth mothers, how did you feel? 

I was so nervous before meeting Amanda's birth mom, I thought I would vomit!  When she finally came in the room, it was a huge relief. 

We were carefully coached by the social workers so the visit was very light and easy.  We shared pictures and told her about our family and looked at gifts that she had for the baby. 

Since, the baby was already born and free for adoption, there was very little anxiety about her rejecting us.  Our goal in the meeting was just to reassure her that we would love her baby and take good care of her.  We were not able to meet Christiana's birth mom.  She didn't want any contact.

Do you keep in contact at all? 

We keep in contact with Amanda's birth family through cards, pictures, letters and emails.   We have spoken to her on the phone too.  I expect Amanda will have more phone conversations as she grows older.   We send pictures and letters to the agency for Christiana's birth mom.  So, far she hasn't requested them.

I read that when you first got the call about Amanda you were guarded? How difficult was it to come to terms with the fact that this was the real thing? 

It actually too along time, maybe four months, before I realized that the agency wanted to keep Amanda in our home just as much as we did.  I kept thinking they may decided they didn't like something about us and take her away.  During that time, I felt like I was just taking care of some one elses baby.

Courtesy

You are a very hands-ons mom, how do you unwind...do you get any alone time? 

Ha, ha!  I spend most of my alone time sleeping. ;)  I do like to read blogs and that helps me feel connected to the outside world but mostly I just recognize that this season in my life is very intense and it will go by so quickly.  I consider investing in my kids to very a very worthwhile way to spend my days.

I read on your blog that when you decided to adopt that you were excited to learn that you could nurse your adoptive baby? How easy was it to nurse Amanda? 

It was not easy to nurse Amanda.  It was a true labor of love.  I feel like I made up for the time I didn't get to invest in pregnancy by investing in trying to produce milk for her.  Producing milk was very challenging and using the nursing supplementor was very tricky but I don't regret it and I'm thankful for the time I invested.

How do you keep everything together with 3 very young children and 2 teenagers? What is your parenting style? 

I guess I would describe my parenting style as patient and deliberate.  I have learned to take the time a think through how to handle any given situation.  I don't always need to respond immediately to try to "fix" things.  Some things I just let go and ignore until I can deal with them in an appropriate manner or do some researching and praying to figure out the appropriate response or action. 

I also try to stay attentive to the kids needs to provide as many positive interactions as possible, for example, we spend a great deal of time outside where we are not tripping all over each other and there is lots of stimulation and things to explore.

Amanda is biracial (Vietnamese & African American), will you let her explore her cultural roots (should she wish) when she gets older? 

We plan to explore many cultures together as the kids grow and we certainly will encourage and support our girls if they feel the need to immerse themselves deeper in their birth culture or the cultures of others with their similar skin tone.  We hope they will have safe opportunities to do so.  We hope Amanda will have the opportunity to spend time with her birth family to find that sense of history and heritage.

What about Christiana? 

Since we don't have contact with Christiana's birth mom it would difficult for her to find out that history or what things were like for her birth family.  We do hope to encourage her to connect with other people with her skin tone who share our families values.  Culture is so unique and not just based on skin tone or country of origin but we do understand the need for our girls to feel comfortable in their own skin.

What have been some of the rewards and drawbacks adopting children from another race? 

The biggest reward has been the opening of my eyes to racism.  And not just intentionally mean stuff, but subtle things like receiving three matching dresses for my three little princesses that had three white princesses on them.  Those same three white princesses are on the girls' bike, scooter and the neighbor girls' bike. 

Or reading a Bible story book and Moses, his mother, his sister and the Pharaoh's daughter are all white.  Moses is a story of cross-cultural adoption but you wouldn't know it by reading most children's Bibles.  This new awareness is priceless to me.

How have your families, neighbours and friends reacted? 

Everybody has been very supportive and welcoming.  Because the girls are so young, our world is fairly small and contains mostly loving, Christian people.  There is a level of ignorance like I mentioned with the gift of the dresses or comments like, "Christiana's face is lighter brown because it's scrubbed the most often."  Ha!  If that were true, her butt would be white! :)  Or my mom saying Amanda's birth father was Afro American.  Afro is a hair style, the country of origin is Africa.

That's a tough question to answer.  It's always a challenge to add members to a family and you just keep working and changing to find out how to make things work.  Each new child has meant giving up certain activities or expectations, but they are worth it.

Do you find it difficult at times to treat all the kids equally? 

All the kids are so different and have different needs, abilities and temperaments.  We don't treat them equally.  We just do our best to meet each their needs and keep them safe.  We are constantly having to evaluate how we are spending our time and invest more into certain kids they may get left behind because of the high needs and loud voices of the other kids.  We don't expect to do it perfectly and hope they will forgive our short comings.

So is this it for adopting? 

I hope not.  But since most agencies won't let you adopt until your current youngest baby is one year old, we have some time before we ask ourselves that question again.  Finances, space in the home, leaving the little ones to travel are all factors.  

"...Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if you know not their father's names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."   ~( al Qur'an 33:4-5)

1. We would look for a child that closely resembled our children (we wanted them all to look like our children)
2. We had agreed by this point we would indeed choose a male child.
3. We  wanted a child that had no relations so that we did not have to deal with family drama. If he had relations, we secretly hoped that they would not want to be a part of OUR lives.
4. Our potentials were between the ages of  3 and 8 (we were still working on this one because hubby really wanted a young child).
5. We would give the child an Islamic name (therefore we would change his name).
6. The child would be OUR child - he would receive an equal share of our wealth and property.
7. The child, being a full member of our family would be Amira's and Iman's brother.