Bismillah...
I hope everyone's doing well inshaAllah. Rainbow and I had a busy week, and we're happy to finally have our feet on the ground again. I promise that I will reply to all emails and comments, inshaAllah.

We got a lot of snow last week, and I found this quote that just reflected what was going on in my life, and how I was feeling...
Last week, I decided to make snow angels...having a down week meant that everything was off balance. I simply took some time to myself and caught up on Coronation Street episodes...

How's your Tuesday going? Link up with us at Communal Global, and let us know.
Happy Tuesday!


This post may contain an affiliate link. Please see my Disclosure Page for more information.

As you know, Rainbow is toilet-training. We have ups and downs because that's how life is, and because Rainbow knows that he's in charge. Being in charge means that he more or less gives me the red light by his mood etc.  Through all the ups and downs, Rainbow and I have had completely dry days, completely messy days where I clean up urine all day, so-so days, and disasters (like when he was on antibiotics and had diarrhea for 3 days straight). One of the highs was when we even had one  diaper-less diaper-less night without any bed-wetting...YAY Rainbow, followed by a poop next to the toilet and pee all over the house day...BOOO!!!! . Now with that being said, I am fine with his progress, and I get it...he's in charge, I don't need anymore headaches.

Then I decided to do something different. Yes, that's where the mess came in. I figured since Rainbow was using less diapers...some days none at all, I would get The Cheap Brand. There is something funny about the idea of change, for me I can usually tell when it's a bad idea, but hey, I needed a bit of drama in my life. I needed to make my son miserable.

I won't give any free advertising by saying which brand we prefer, but I will say which brand I absolutely HATE. For the record (as stated above), the only time that Rainbow had ever had a rash was when he was on antibiotics. He had diarrhea to the max, and I just couldn't keep up with the mess (as we didn't always make it to the toilet), eventually, I put him in diapers in the day---kind of stupid actually, it made matters worse. BUT, if you remember my post about baba not liking messes, what else could I do.

Anyways, back to the rash thing; that was the only time in his whole short life that he got a rash until I bought the Fisher Price brand. I really liked the concept of the Day & Night diapers because since Rainbow is not usually in diapers in the day, I figured I would save the day diapers for outings, and focus on night diapering- what a disaster.
Fisher Price says their diapers are Premium Protection without the Premium Price, but for Rainbow it hasn't been a first class experience at all.

I am also not impressed that the Dr that we saw kept reminding telling me to "remember" to change Rainbow's diaper when it's wet. He couldn't believe that Rainbow had only developed the rash in 2 days. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs that I couldn't believe it either. He was not impressed when I kept insisting that it was a change in my brand of diapers that had caused all the problems. Seriously...I will stop there.

Yes, I know it's my fault. We had no issues with our chosen brand. Worse yet, I should have stuck with cloth diapering.


If anyone want some size 3 Fisher Price diapers, let me know. They didn't work for us at all, but maybe they will work for your little one.







This post may contain an affiliate link. Please see my Disclosure Page for more information.

Bismillah...

Now that I have an infant a pre-teen, and a teen, I am able to assess the realities that they face and will face, and while I cannot predict the future, I like to think that I can play a role in some aspects of their safety.

Recently I bought my daughters Personal Defense Alarms, and gave them the talk about "personal safety".

The best thing about this weapon is that in effect, it is not an offensive weapon (like a gun or knife) which can be used against the victim. The main purpose of the alarm is for self- protection, and no permit is needed in order to use it.

Another reason why I choose  PDAs for my girls is because they can be used by anyone, young or old, without special training, and regardless of physical condition (before or after an incident).

PDAs which are small enough to fit into the hands of even young children has a pin that is attached to the device

During an emergency, the victim pulls out the pin to sound the alarm. The alarm emits a high pitch (ear splitting) sound that will sound continuously as long as the pin is removed.

PDAs are not a replacement for common sense. I tell my girls to always stay alert, and be aware of potential danger.

PDAs are great, but remote areas should be avoided as much as possible

PDAs should be kept close at hand, for easy access  (not like when I threw mine in the bottom of my handbag).

Buy one!

Women on guard


Teach kids about Safety!
The Safe Side
Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)

Bismillah...

Of course the hijab talk then made it onto our agenda. Hubby took on the discussion. He gave the speech about the women in his life being precious and dear to him *smile*. He then told the kids a "story"...The Story (he loves this one, lol). The story goes like this...He invites some guests over to the house. He has a very nice diamond ring that is very rare, it is sitting on the table out in the open. Should he leave it there or hide it away so that none of the guests will be tempted to touch or steal it? If he leaves it out, it means that he doesn't really value the rarity of the diamond.

...this pretty much sums up why a Muslim woman should wear hijab...

A few days after the girls decided that it was better to hide away the rare diamond, I came across a quote on a blog, and it got me thinking about the role that a man plays in a woman's life, specifically his daughter's life. The quote said:

“Think of it this way. Women are God's special creations. They are like diamonds."

"Now, you don't want to wrap and protect a precious diamond in some trashy see-through material, do you?It does not live up to the reputation or value of a diamond. Instead, you would do so in a small nice opaque pouch made out of soft velvet.This way, not only do they get to hide it away from wandering eyes for safety, you also get to give the diamond the treatment it deserves."

Many Muslim women hear these words. I certainly did many times before that meeting. Often times, when the discussion of hijab comes up, a Muslim woman is referred to as a gem, or a rare gift that is not only precious, but irreplaceable. It's reiterated that a Muslim woman is such a treasure that she should guard her beauty AND ensure modesty at all times. I don't see anything wrong with that do you? 


Well, actually I do...

Now, let me begin by saying that I am very proud of hubby for being so hands-on, and for always being available to chat about any issue that the girls have. If you have teenage girls,  then you can appreciate what I am speaking about. As for me- well, let's just say that I am deeply disappointed in myself. I am extremely disappointed in my silence that day, and generally when it comes to the discussions about hijab in my house. I'm not a lukewarm type of person; I like to be hot or cold. It's not always easy, but I try to be clear in what I say and do...I guess I'm a Walk the Talk type of person. I try to lead by example. On a personal level, I choose to observe a high level of modesty...covering my head is one of the ways that I do this.

Had I given my two cents, I would have told the girls that hijab is not just a piece of cloth on your head; it is how a woman embodies the beauty of Allah. It's the way she speaks, acts, loves those around her, and worships her creator. I only made this point later on, in what I can only describe as a clandestine meeting when hubby was at work, and even the thought of that annoyed me. It's not that hubby and I don't agree on hijab; it's just we take a different approach to the issue...he has never walked in my shoes, or his sister's shoes, or Iman's and Amira's shoes...and I am pretty sure he never will. Regardless, I do not take his presence or his words for granted, I just wish that we were on the same level. I wish that the idea of being compared to a diamond, wasn't so foreign...so void of the human connection.

What does it mean to be compared to a diamond, or a pearl? The argument around the binary of the covered (pious) woman versus the uncovered (free-loose) woman almost always begin and end with hijab.  Hey, don't look at me, I didn't make the rules. In fact, I became a Muslim centuries after the dialogue/debate began.  If this idea (hijab = piety = good Muslimah) is coupled with the notion that Muslim women are precious gems that need to be protected and guarded, then I think that there is a huge part of the equation is missing. That piece of the equation is men.

When, I say men are a key in this issue, I am not referring to the pathetic paternalism that we are witnessing every day. I'm not speaking about the know-it-alls, who know too little, actually. I am speaking about men who have good relationships with the women in their lives; the ones who show great piety and modesty. Yes, men should also be pious and modest. I'm speaking about the ones who use common sense, and empathy, and aim to please Allah by not justifying wrong-doings in the name of whatever.

I know that hubby's intention (in that discussion) was to get down to the level of the girls...it's not the wost that I've heard. However, on an extreme level, I feel that clothing (or) lack of clothing justifies forms of gendered violence and I don't want my daughters growing up with that. I don't want them growing up thinking that they are better, or more pious, or closer to heaven than others. And, instead of looking down on others who are not wearing hijab, I would prefer that they practice dawah, and send a message about the virtues of hijab.

I have seen and heard some of the most disgusting language describing women who are uncovered, and I don't know how pleased Allah would be with this type of behaviour from Muslims. I often think about it this way...once I was uncovered, now I am covered, does that mean that I no longer deserve to be raped or harassed?

In the quote above, the diamond (Muslimah) is covered in soft velvet, hidden away from wandering eyes for safety. Away from wandering eyes, and the desire of "men" who would if given a chance steal her away, her shield (hijab) keeps her from harm. I have heard of non-hijabis and other women being compared to meat that is left to rot. My understanding is that the diamond (Muslimah) that is left uncovered will undoubtedly lose its value, it will not be protected, and when something awful happens...well it was inevitable. I wonder, how does that build a young girl's self-esteem, when she hears such talk?

On the far end, what happens if the diamond that is carefully covered is stolen? Put another way, what happens if a covered Muslimah is harmed? Who do we blame for this? Worse yet, what if she is threatened and harassed by a fellow Muslim who believes that HIS mother, sister, auntie is a precious diamond that should be guarded? How does a young girl who is shaping her ideas about the world around her reconcile this indignity?

I wonder, is the diamond analogy a bit too much? After all, what is a diamond worth anyway? It doesn't have to be a comparison between precious jewels, or uncovered meat; any idea that simplifies such a serious matter should be questioned. If I were to rewrite that quote, or highlight all the ways that women are special, I think that I would simply say...

"Women are God's special creation... give them the treatment they deserve."

Leave diamonds and pearls to man...as far as I can see, there is nothing higher than God's creation.

Any thoughts?

Bismillah...
This week has been a difficult one for us. Rainbow is very moody and even though we saw the Dr and he said that Rainbow is fine...he doesn't seem fine. I have not been sleeping; I've even lost my appetite. I am beat.
Honestly, there is a slight tinge of resentment towards hubby for just being a man who works, while I am soon to be the working-mom who does it all.Hubby gets up for work at 5 AM. He eats the breakfast that I prepare for him, and I'm not talking about cold cereal. He finds the clothes that I laundered and pressed for him; his shoes are clean and shined (most times), and his things are in order...he's out of the house without any major drama. Later on as they speak about world issues, he will tell his colleagues how great his family life is, and show pictures to prove it, lol.

For me, just getting to a Dr's appointment is stressful, and I know that major changes are ahead. I know that when I return to work, I will make my own breakfast, wash and press my own clothes, and the kids will be 100% my responsibility. I know that nursing issues will come up, and because it's MY choice to nurse Rainbow until he's 2, there's no point speaking about the drawbacks. Now, don't roll your eyes at me...I know most moms do it, but I wonder, how great do these moms feel about their never-ending routine? How long can it go on? Working Mom's 411: How To Manage Kids, Career and Home by  Michelle R. LaRowe is one of my latest reads. Honestly, years ago, I would have never read a book to try to make sense of my life, but now, I guess I have "all the time in the world".

In the Working Mom’s 411, LaRowe focuses on something that is very important to me, how to manage a household when both parents must work. At the top of the list are child-care options, scheduling, how to keep the kids organized, and tips on maintaining your sanity while getting it all done. 
LaRowe gives insight to common every day occurrences, and this is what makes the book practical. I can relate to a lot of what La Rowe was getting at, many moms can . Since Rainbow was born, I think the Super Woman Syndrome has hit me hard. It started innocently as I needed to multi-task to get things done, but I have only made matters worse. You see, I have now mastered making a lasagna from scratch while vacuuming, nursing while ironing, and folding laundry at 2 am because Rainbow won't be able pull everything apart.

Working- mom guilt is a recurring theme in many of the parenting books that I have come across, including this one. Honestly, I don't think it's working- mom guilt as much as it is a slight tinge of working-mom anxiety overload. Am I managing career and home? I think I used to, but now, I am getting tired. Now I have to get used to having a toddler in the house. I have to fit said toddler into my schedule, and make it all look simple.

 I am not sure, however,  if I feel any better or less stressed out in the family time management department.  Also, the how to make it all work angle, made me feel that the sanity and well-being of my family is essentially in my hands. Being on Mat Leave meant that I had some time for myself. It meant that I got to do what I loved- volunteer, create art, roll around on the floor with Rainbow, visit libraries, start a book club, hang out with the kids, unschool...now I think we will all have to get used to the fact that I won't be around as much.

So what happens when your dream of a calm household collides with reality (everyday interruptions)?
I don't know yet. What I know however, is that the fact that there are so many books guiding moms to "have it all" or to "stay on top of things", means that moms are not staying on top of things, and there is no way that we can have it all.

How do you manage?






This post may contain an affiliate link. Please see my Disclosure Page for more information.

Bismillah...I am joining Muslim Mummy for a  dose of Friday Wisdom. Here's my quote for the day...

"By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class." ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh