In 2010, we welcomed a Rainbow baby, I was over the moon. 2011 was a great year for me because I got to parent 3 of my 4 kiddies, alhamdulellah. As I reflect on the year 2011, I was also forced to look where I have been, and how I got here. One of the biggest things that is constantly on my mind is getting through the grief process (in one piece). I always talk about doing things with grace, because I truly believe it makes a huge difference in the end, but things don't always go as we plan.

LESSONS I'VE LEARNED!!

NO REGRETS ~ Dwelling on really crappy stuff is never going to make my life better, it makes people bitter. I am focusing on living honestly, and without regrets. If I am going to live without regrets, it means thinking before I speak, reflecting before I act, not judging others (because I don't know their life or struggles), and praying to Allah for wisdom in all that I do.

FRIENDS: KEEP THE GOOD & GET RID OF THE BAD~  It's that simple! In the last few years, I have met the most amazing women from every walk of life...some of you are these women. At the same time, I have had to let go of "friendships" that were not good for me. When you go through hard times you need friends- people who will stand by you.
I've learned that friends is not in numbers, but by the way they give and take. I choose my friends based on my principles, and my beliefs. Without many of you (your prayers, insight, raw honesty, love) I don't know where I would be right now. Thank you!

GRIEVE & YET LIVE~ Sixteen minutes after his birth Rainbow had already outlived his brother.  I have no idea what Hussein would have been, or how his life would have impacted ours had he lived, but I know that he left a void that will never be filled.  Thankfully I had many MANY conversations with God and he forced me to realise that I could still grieve and move on. Losing  a child is hard, but I know that I am not the only person in the world who has gone through it. Going through my pregnancy with Rainbow and giving birth was no more or less special than all my other pregnancy and birth experiences. I got a second chance (or 4th depending how you look at it), to be a mom again. I was blessed, and life is more precious than I will ever know.
In 2011, I finally accepted that while we missed Hussein terribly, his birth and death was not the end of our family. Iman, Amira and Rainbow are here. Hubby's here- I am here, and that's the way that Allah wanted it. It was so easy to get caught in the net of despair when Hussein died. I felt as if I was alone, and that no one understood MY pain. I realized over the course of my pregnancy and Rainbow's birth that pain and grief is not meant to be "owned". I learned that we can share what we have learned through our experiences- there's always someone out there who will take something from our experiences. I also know from the bottom of my heart that the pain will never go away. My goal is to get through it as a stronger, better person.

LAUGH OUT LOUD~  When things are going well in our lives, it's so easy to laugh, and be nice to people. Grieving the loss of a child, I felt as if I had to be sad all the time. I felt as if  had to have a heavy heart, because my baby wasn't here....he's NEVER going to be her in person, but his spirit will never leave. I am allowing myself to laugh, and be happy, AND speak about the positive things in my life.

GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE~ Giving is something so small and yet so amazing. A smile; a friendly hug; a voice on the other end of the phone....it's all giving. I have many passions and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have things to look forward to. Finding your life’s passion may not be so hard, but what you do after is everything. My life cannot be summed up by what I possess, and that's the my constant reminder and reality check...always give back because you never know when you will be on the other end.

MOVE ON~ One of the wisest things that I have ever heard if that, "It’s not your job to change anyone so don’t make it your profession...". In 2011, I decided that I was no longer going to make it my mission to try to change anyone. I walked away from a very toxic relationship, even though it was someone who was very near and dear to me. Sometimes it's hard to walk away from people who we should be close to, but Allah does not want us to harm ourselves...he wants us to be happy so that we can pass on joy to others. So I say, move on and pray about it.
PRAYING FOR THOSE WHO HURT US IS BETTER THAN JUST WHINING ABOUT WHAT THEY DID...

BE YOUR OWN PERSON ~ It's so easy for women to let themselves go after marriage. By "letting ourselves go" I am not only speaking about the physical aspects.
As mothers, and caregivers it's easy to get caught up in our work, children, and other commitments, which often lead to putting off the things that we love to do, or should be doing. I have seen so many friends and sisters who are bright and talented, retreat to their domestic duties, forgetting that they have more to offer than just cooking and cleaning. 
Years ago, I never thought I could be in that position, but after Rainbow's birth I was so contented with being home that I forgot about other important aspects of our life.
Just a few days after Rainbow's birthday, I realized that I didn't know how much our monthly hydro bills were, or how much money was in our bank accounts.  Sure, hubby takes care of everything, but it's no excuse for not knowing what's going on in my own house.

CHERISH YOUR SPOUSE~  On a personal level hubby and I have had quite a roller-coaster ride in the past few years. Even now, not a week goes by that we don't have an argument. In my opinion, (as Muslims) marriage in of itself does nor just complete our deen. Rather, how we go about finding our spouses; how we practice our faith TOGETHER; and treat one another truly within the parameters of marriage ultimately makes all the difference. I used to  think it was corny when women said, "I'm married to my best friend...". I have come to see that it is possible to like the person you are married to. I know that it is possible to want to spend your free time speaking to that person, and laughing with him about absolutely nothing. Hubby and I still hold hands when we walk down the street - we even hold hands when we sleep, lol. Beside the fact that he is giving, and gentle, he is a great friend and supporter in all that I do.

PRAY~ However you do it...wherever you do it...PRAY! Never underestimate the power of prayer. Always thank God for what you have, and THEN ask for what you want.

CELEBRATE LIFE- Life is short when you really think about it. It's so important to make the most of it. In 2011, I learned how to speak about my loss without falling apart. I realized that I had to continue to celebrate my love for my family, and move on from the pain of loss. I always strive to be humble, and I think this is one of the biggest challenges in life. All in all, I really focused, and continue to focus on being a good wife, a devoted mother, a friend, and most importantly, a Muslimah.

I am sure there are a million things that I could share with you about the important lessons that I've learned, but I will stop here.


1. In a post, share some of the lessons you learned in 2011 (or) in the past years. Your post can be  a poem, story, list, photo journal, etc.
2. Title your post: 2011 Reflections
3. Come back here and link your blog post on the Mr. Linky (between the 1st & the 20th). While you're here why not visit the other bloggers and share a kind comment.
4. Last but not least...pass it on.